Valentine's Day

Heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolate. Romantic dinners. Bouquets of beautiful roses. Cupid fluttering about in the air. This can only mean that Valentine’s Day is upon us.

Valentine’s Day is an interesting holiday. It can be a cause for either joy or sadness, depending on your relationship status. If you are in a committed relationship, you might want to celebrate the day. Use it to honor your significant other. But if you are single, Valentine’s Day could be a depressing reminder of the fact that you are not in a relationship.

My life took some drastic turns this past year, and it has been rough in the romance department for me. Lots of heartache and loss. And so I find myself facing Valentine’s day as a single man. 

I had a friend ask me recently how I was going to handle Valentine’s day. He was afraid that I would spend the day alone and depressed. And from the outside looking in, I can understand how he thought it might be a rough day for me. You see, I’ve always been a bit of hopeless romantic. I love romantic comedy movies and stories. I love big, grand, romantic gestures. And I adore happy endings. I almost always cry at weddings. Especially when the groom sees his bride walking down the aisle. When they make eye contact at that moment, it tugs on my heartstrings every time. 

But the trouble with being a hopeless romantic is that it’s not just the joys of love that we feel intensely. We are equally affected by the sting of betrayal, the heartache of unrequited love, and the sorrow of a lost love. These are emotions that I know all too well. So my friend worried that I would spend Valentine’s Day dwelling on my past and on what I have lost. Six months ago, I probably would have agreed with him.

When my marriage ended, I wasn’t sure if my heart could recover. And even if it could, I didn’t know if I could ever trust anyone with my heart again. A part of me thought I would be lonely and miserable for the rest of my life. I believed any chance of romantic happiness was gone for good. I felt pretty hopeless.

I am so glad that is not where my story ends.

God has done an amazing work in me over the last few months. He has filled my heart with joy and hope. Where I felt broken and wounded, God brought restoration and healing. God did the work, and all I had to do was surrender. I brought all my anxiety, fear, loneliness, and sorrow, and I laid them all at His feet. I can’t even begin to explain how freeing that was. My words are utterly inadequate to describe the peace found in complete and total surrender to God. Suffice it to say, like the Grinch, my small heart grew three sizes that day.

I found myself laughing again, and finding joy in life. It was refreshing to feel that again. And somewhere along the way, I stopped being a hopeless romantic and became a hopeful romantic. Hope that my best days were not behind me. Hope in God’s redeeming power. Hope that God has a good plan for me and that He will be faithful to complete it. Hope that one day, I will be able to share the love in my heart with someone again.

Even though I was starting to feel hopeful, I wanted to be careful. I was coming out of a place of deep hurt, and the idea of putting my heart on the line again was frightening. Also, I knew that I needed time to heal, and I wasn’t sure how long that would take me. I didn’t want to place all my hope in the idea of a relationship that might not come for years if it came at all. So I placed any hope for a future relationship in Jesus’ hands. I didn’t want to be carrying it around with me. And for the most part, that is where I left it.

From time to time, my mind has wandered towards the idea of a future romance. And sometimes, friends would ask me how I felt about that possibility. But it seemed so far off, and any hope I had in that area was mixed with caution and trepidation. So it was easy to dismiss the idea and give it back to God. But all the while, Jesus was working on my heart in that area more than I realized.

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a get-together. It sounded fun, and I was looking forward to it. However, the day before it, I became very nervous. But not in a scared or worried way. It was more like nervousness mingled with excitement. I had realized that I knew a girl who might be there. Someone who is close to my age, and who, I am fairly sure, is single. Someone who is not only beautiful but whose character and relationship with God I admire. Suddenly, the possibility of romance became very real. And I found hope rising in my heart in a way that completely surprised me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying or implying that I have feelings for this girl. What I felt was less about her specifically and more about what she represented. Up until that day, there was a lingering thought in the back of my mind that I might never find someone who made me feel that way again. But here was proof that I could feel that again. And the mere possibility of romance was thrilling to my heart. All my caution and worry was gone, and it was refreshing. It was a milestone. Concrete evidence of how much healing God had done in my heart.

Ironically, it turned out that she wasn’t even there that day. But that’s okay with me. I don’t know if she could be the one for me or not. Maybe one day soon I’ll get the chance to find out. But that’s a mystery for another day.

For now, it is enough to know that even the possibility of romance exists. That area of my life isn’t dead. It is thriving, and there is hope there again. Hope that still rests in Jesus. And He has never let me down.

Valentine’s day will come and go this year, and for me, it will be an uneventful day. But you won’t find me mourning it or drowning in my sorrows. I am going to celebrate it anyway. I will celebrate the good work that Jesus has done in my heart, and I will celebrate the hope I have through Him.